The Power of Purple

The lure of getting something for free has led to an increase in companies, independent business owners, and those in direct sales offering free incentives to build their customer base, as well as their teams. But...are they really free? Consider this... You see an item online that says it's 100% free, yet when you get to checkout, you see a shipping and handling fee. You wasted time (time = money) going through the process to receive the item, and now have to choose to pay the fees or not receive it. Is the item really free?  You see free tickets offered for a concert or show, yet you must pay "taxes and a handling fee" before you receive them.  Are the tickets really free?  You sign up for a service that offers "three months free", yet are charged a "deposit' within the first month. If you cancel, you don't get the deposit back. Is the service really free?  You're invited to a free networking event, yet there's a cost to ever...

For the past couple of weeks, at night, my dog has begun to sleep fully stretched out and pressed firmly against my back. She's always been protective, but this is a new thing for her. It's almost like she's telling me "Don't worry momma, I've got your back."  That got me to thinking... Who else has my back? Or more importantly, who has your back? Who surrounds you? Who includes you? Who accepts you as you are, not who they want you to be? Who would drop everything to help you without being asked? Who would make sure you have enough to eat if you were forced to choose between paying rent or buying groceries? Who would be there to pick you up (literally) when life continues to deliver the punch to the gut that brings you to your knees? If you can't answer, it's ok. I have a hard time answering this too. Five years ago, I would be naming names without hesitation. Today, it's a struggle to come up with more than one. As time changes, so...

Over the past three months, I've started this blog several times; and several times I scrapped everything and walked away. Why? I felt it wouldn't deliver enough value to anyone who reads it. The more I tried to flush it out, the more irritated and frustrated I became. The words wouldn't flow in the way I thought would draw anyone in, and they certainly didn't "feel" right. After a heartfelt conversation with a good friend who gave me the kick in the pants I needed, I realized, again, that the value I deliver is more than enough. I had somehow let the recent opinions and voices from others affect the way I looked at the value i bring to others. So I began to put my thoughts into something that, I hope, helps others take a new and different look at the value they bring to this world and begin to see that they should never settle for anything less than what they want to achieve. In January, during a conversation, my value and worth were questioned. Not in a ...

You can't fit a square peg in a round hole.  Why would you want to "fit in" when you were made to stand out?  I'm sure you've heard those sayings before. They've been weighing on my mind ever since I had lunch with a friend who indicated that while I am always encouraging, upbeat and supportive, I just don't quite fit in. He's right. I've never really fit in, even as a child. I wasted alot of years watering down who I was just so I could try to "fit in". Everyone wants to be liked, but the reality is that even when you're well liked, you may not always "fit in". Which brings me to the question of the day: Why do we try so hard to fit in? We're all unique. We're wired to be different; from the way we look, the way we think, how we process information, how we act, etc. Those tratis make us different from the start. Over the years, I've learned that when we try to fit in, on some unconscious level, we alter ...

Roughly 25 years ago my youngest son brought me a small cactus garden, including a dragon tail cactus when he vacationed with my mom. Over the past 25 years, this cactus grew. Not without it's own struggles. You see, I don't have the green thumb needed to keep indoor plants alive; regardless of how "maintenance free" they may be. I lost 2 of them fairly quickly, but babied this one to keep it alive. It seemed to thrive for almost 20 years. Then our daughter was diagnosed with breast cancer and I mostly forgot about it. I only remembered to water it when I went into the extra bedroom and saw it on the dresser. I "found" it again after she died and I was moving some of her things. It looked half dead, with drooping spines. I watered it and sat it next to a window hoping it would perk up.  I walked out of the room and promptly forgot about it...again. Fast forward 2 years. This spring, while still recovering from his own health scare, my husband was clearing...

Recently, while on my first ever kayak trip with two of my favorite friends in the whole wide world, who also happen to be family, I jumped off a cliff. Both figuratively and literally. As we floated and paddled down the river, catching up on life's happenings, talk turned to things we did as kids. We spent alot of time laughing about how we learned to swim in a spot very similar to the river we were floating. As kids, we were literally thrown into the water and told to swim. This was Mississippi in the early 1970's.  The water was only 6-8 ft deep, and there were adults in the water to "save" us if needed, but when you're 8 years old, it was terrifying. Reminiscing about our adventures when we were kids led to other moments that usually ended up with us in trouble. Looking back, the "trouble" was harmless and we had some good laughs. Then an innocent question about something in our childhoods led me to the first cliff jump, figuratively. Feeling a lev...

How often have you heard others use "it's not my problem" as an excuse to not step in, help, or be accountable for situations, conversations, or interactions that would help others? If you're 100% honest you'll admit you've used it yourself.  For example: You see the hungry, homeless person sitting on the street and walk past because "It's not my problem"...or is it? You hear a colleague being verbally abused/harrassed but you don't speak up because "It's not my problem"...or is it? You see an elderly person struggling to unload a cart of groceries in the checkout lane and roll your eyes, while tapping your foot impatiently because "It's not my problem"... or is it? You observe a child being subjected to horrible bullying and don't intervene because "It's not my problem"... or is it? Your unemployed friend struggles to get back on their feet while you distance yourself because "It's...

Ever since I was a little girl I have been taught to talk, act, and behave in what is considered "appropriate" ways. But in the past few years I've begun to question the thinking that is behind what I've been taught. I know the difference between right and wrong and strive to do what's right in everything I do. But my thoughts go deeper than right and wrong...they go to a place that questions differing opinions, cultures, religions, and everything else that makes us so diverse. Like just about everyone else on the planet, I've had more than my share of trauma and hardship over the course of my life, and those times have made me into who I am today. I've been told countless times that I'm brash, abrasive, cold, aloof, distant, manipulative, controlling, loud, and harsh. In reality, I'm the polar opposite of everyone of those assumptions, with the exception of being loud...I accept others for who they are, and always recognize others in a way that,...

Remember when you were in school and wanted to be part of the "in crowd"? Maybe you were already a member of that elite group and easily fit in. What made that group so elite? Was it the financial status of your parents, the attitudes of your friends, or was it a popularity contest and if you weren't a member you were considered an "outsider"? On the other hand, did you easily move between the "in" crowd, the "wannabe's" or the "outcasts"? Did you surround yourself with people of diverse backgrounds, cultures, and attitudes? This is what I call being an outsider...seeing who and what is out there while not conforming to social stereotypes or opinions and being yourself in all groups of people. In today's world, we're adults who still wrestle with the same types of groups, only this time it's on a different playing field. In the workplace we try to fit in by going with the flow and if we voice a differing opinion,...

I wasn't born with a silver spoon in my mouth. I was never handed anything growing up. That's not to say I went without. I had everything I needed, but it was rare to receive what I wanted . I learned early in life to be grateful for what I had. I had enough to eat, I had clothes to wear, I had shoes, I went to good schools, I had shelter, and I was grateful. I grew up around wealth, not in it. I know what it's like to struggle with the decision to pay utilities or buy groceries. As a young, single mother, I faced those types of decisions several times. While there may have been programs available to help me, I was a little too independent and proud to ask for help. There were many times when my child ate, but I didn't. Thankfully, that was a short lived period in my life; but it's one of the most important times in my life. It was during that time that I realized rising up from where I had fallen was completely up to me. I made the necessary changes and began th...

We all say things without thinking about the impact they may have on others. We never really think about the power of our words, and if we do/did, we'd be much more careful in how we use them.  As children, we learned that "sticks and stones can break my bones; but words can never hurt me..." What a lie. Words can and do hurt . We see them hurt children who are bullied. We see it in adults  who struggle with self esteem, self image, and self worth.  How many times have you been told things (or even told yourself) that make you feel "less than"? You know what I mean, things from childhood all the way into adulthood:  "You'll never amount to anything."  "Why can't you be as smart as your brother/sister?"  " Why can't you do anything right?"  "You're too sensitive, no one wants to be around a cry baby."  "No one will want you, you're too fat." " You know, make up does wond...

Do you have a personal brand?  Are you even aware you need one? I've seen and read several articles recently, from Forbes to Inc., that included statements like this: "By 2020 if you don't have a personal brand no one will work with you. Having a personal brand will be what sets you apart, both professionally and personally." (Inc. Oct. 2017) In terms of a brand, what comes to mind when people ask you what you do? If you answer with tactical answers, you're not speaking from your personal brand. We all perform tactical things. In our professions these can be anything from creating marketing campaigns, analyzing and reporting data, to maintaining client accounts. In our personal lives, it can be spending time with family and friends, running errands, carpooling, and household chores. Those are tasks, they are not reflective of our personal brand. If you have a job, and every one of us does, regardless of whether you get paid or not; developing your personal b...

A few weeks ago Facebook announced it was changing its newsfeed algorithm, pushing down business and "salesy" posts across newsfeeds so users will see more personal posts from their friends. Facebook stated the change was a result of hearing from users who are tired of seeing their newsfeeds cluttered with "ads" and they are working hard to make staying connected more meaningful for users. Since the announcement, I've seen many posts, mostly from others in direct sales, warning "you'll only see your top 25 or 26 "friends" posts in your newsfeeds". They also advise that you need both "likes" and comments to push your posts higher in the newsfeeds of others. It's been proven that this is not true at all. In my opinion, this is a tactic used to get others to help push their posts higher in newsfeeds. It's no secret that posts with both likes and comments are ranked higher than one with no engagement. Back to the new algor...

Recently, during a lively and very entertaining conversation, I noticed that one friend wasn't really aware or paying attention to what was being said, although he had actually started the conversation. I had an "aha" moment...I realized that many times when engaging others we fail to focus in the moment . How many times have you been in a conversation and within 5 minutes of it ending, cannot remember half of what was said? What was the reason for your inattention? Boredom with the topic? Complete disinterest in the other person? Was the "to do" list in your head running 100 miles an hour? Think of the possibilities that will occur if we take the time to fully focus our attention on the other person in that moment of exchange. Just realizing and being aware that the other person truly wants to connect with you in some way can be pretty profound.  By slowing down, actively listening, being attentive and, most of all...

When you meet someone for the first time what do you typically do? Give a firm handshake while giving a quick "once over"? Do you smile and look the person in the eye as you shake their hand? Do you pay close attention to what they are wearing, i.e. suit, skirt, designer shoes and accessories, hair and make up "just right"? Or do you pay attention to the person? i.e. - the color of their eyes, their smile , their body language ? I've read many studies that state most people use to the superficial once over to gather information that will become a first impression. But here are a few questions for thought... 1. What if the person you are meeting is not feeling at their best? 2. What if the person you are meeting is genuine and honest but you overlook that because they aren't dressed to your standards? 3. What if the person you are meeting is extremely shy and that shyness is reflected in awkward silences and few words? 4. What if the person you are me...

It's January 8, 2018. The eighth day of a new year. A new year that brought new goals and resolutions. Statistics show that over 50%, yes 50%, of all people who made goals or resolutions, have already stumbled or given up. Are you still focused and committed to achieve what you set out to do? Or have you already slowed down or thrown in the towel? If you've already talked yourself out of or failed to take a step toward a goal, you probably have an excuse for why you've stumbled or given up. Excuses you tell yourself allow you to feel justified in not doing whatever it is that you should be doing. Excuses can be simple like "I'm too tired to work out" or "I didn't have time to read that chapter today" to ones that involve negative self talk and second guessing "Maybe I should skip that class" or "I've never been able to do that, why would I try now?".... Did you know giving excuses, to yourself and others, shifts the focu...

Welcome to 2018! The second day to be exact. I spent some time on New Year's Day observing what others were talking about and posting across social media. Almost everything I heard or read was about "resolutions". Everything from dieting and losing weight; making more money; to traveling the world. It seemed as if everyone has a list of resolutions a mile long. Now, I don't know about you, but the last time I checked, a resolution is a solution to a problem. You are a person. You are not a problem. Besides, you're most likely going to give up within the first 2 weeks, if not the first 5 days when your list of resolutions is longer than your arm.  It's not intentional and it's not because you aren't committed, it's because you've made too many and you can't focus on the individual outcomes correctly; you don't see/feel results right away; other parts of "life" interfere; you allow the negative comments from others or even you...

Recently, after waiting for over an hour in a virtual "line" to purchase a brand new product, due to overwhelming demand, the website crashed, ultimately losing my place in "line" and when the site was back up and available, the product was sold out. I was more than disappointed - as were thousands of other customers who had encountered the same issue. There was no acknowledgement or apology to those affected from the company. It was as if my time (and the thousands of other customers waiting in line alongside me) wasn't valuable and the company only cared about profits and being able to say that their new product "broke the internet".  I looked at the experience from my customer experience professional perspective and provided constructive feedback in the company's community forum. I was honest in voicing my disappointment with how things were handled, which included mentioning the loss of loyal customers, while providing suggestions for imp...

"I owe you big," "You owe me." "Now we're even."  We've all said these phrases many times. During a recent conversation with a close friend it was said more than once. I thought about this and realized that we all "keep score" to some degree in every relationship we have. But why? Why do we feel the need to compete in our relationships? Is there some need to always be the one with the upper hand? To control your relationships and manipulate the outcomes? While many people have motives for this, I think most of us just do it because "it's the way things are done." The old "you scratch my back and I'll scratch yours" way of thinking; with someone always coming out "on top". Life isn't about keeping score, it's about making sure that people feel empowered to pursue the things they choose, while being treated like the very special beings they are. We all do not want or desire the same things, so...

Do you listen to learn? "Most people don't really listen to hear what's being said, they listen to reply." While I can't remember who said this, I do believe it's true, for both business and in personal relationships. At it's simplest, it means that when we engage others in a conversation, we don't pay attention to what's being said. We listen so we can give our opinions. Many times while someone is speaking we think we know what's going to be said, or the direction a conversation will take. We're quick to chime in with our preconceived thoughts and opinions. Because we think we know best. But, in all honesty, how many times have we been wrong and it's entirely about something completely different? What if we actually placed our focus on the person speaking? What if we really listened to the words and the intent of what the other person is actually saying? What if we leaned in and really listened to what was being said? Wha...