Keeping Score - Does It Really Matter

"I owe you big," "You owe me." "Now we're even."  We've all said these phrases many times. During a recent conversation with a close friend it was said more than once. I thought about this and realized that we all "keep score" to some degree in every relationship we have. But why? Why do we feel the need to compete in our relationships? Is there some need to always be the one with the upper hand? To control your relationships and manipulate the outcomes? While many people have motives for this, I think most of us just do it because "it's the way things are done." The old "you scratch my back and I'll scratch yours" way of thinking; with someone always coming out "on top".

Life isn't about keeping score, it's about making sure that people feel empowered to pursue the things they choose, while being treated like the very special beings they are. We all do not want or desire the same things, so why would we try to control or manipulate the wants and desires of those in our circle? Is it because they think differently? See the world through a different lens? Or do they have a "different" look from you?

What if you stepped back for a moment and thought about why you do things for others? Is it out of generosity, which doesn't keep score or have expectations, and allows for more amazingly good things to come into your life; or is it because you feel that you have be in control? Whatever the motive, if it arises from a purely genuine desire that's focused on others, you open the door to endless possibilities in both your personal and professional life. If your motive is driven by motives that only focus on what you plan to accomplish, you create barriers and obstacles that will impede or destroy your progress.

In your next conversation, try looking at things from a purely objective standpoint. You might find that you're motives aren't as pure as you think. If this happens, you can easily shift to a more compassionate and empathetic stance by shifting your focus to the others involved. This removes the obstacles that limit and stall progress, and allows you to see how beneficial it is to focus on the success of others. It may feel uncomfortable at first, but with conscious effort and consistent practice you'll be able to see and feel the difference. Not to mention the amazing possibilities you allow into your life.

Keeping score and being competitive is for sporting events, not enriching the relationships in our lives. By eliminating the common phrases and thinking that reflects we do keep score in our relationships (consciously or not), we strengthen those relationships and accomplish so much more than we ever thought possible.

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