The Lost Art of Active Listening

Do you listen to learn?

"Most people don't really listen to hear what's being said, they listen to reply." While I can't remember who said this, I do believe it's true, for both business and in personal relationships. At it's simplest, it means that when we engage others in a conversation, we don't pay attention to what's being said. We listen so we can give our opinions. Many times while someone is speaking we think we know what's going to be said, or the direction a conversation will take. We're quick to chime in with our preconceived thoughts and opinions. Because we think we know best. But, in all honesty, how many times have we been wrong and it's entirely about something completely different?

What if we actually placed our focus on the person speaking? What if we really listened to the words and the intent of what the other person is actually saying? What if we leaned in and really listened to what was being said? What if we waited for the end of a sentence to be spoken before automatically speaking?

What if we looked outside of ourselves and truly engaged the other person by providing an environment that's based in real active listening? Asking the clarifying questions, and repeating it back to acknowledge you heard not only the words, but the intent and meaning?

Think of the possibilities and opportunities that would follow if we practiced focusing on the other person in those moments and simply turning off the "auto reply".  Eliminate distractions by turning away from computers or laptops, and looking up from phones and other devices. Do this and you to turn off the  "auto reply" so you can focus on the person and conversation in front of you. 

We'd have the opportunity to connect with someone in a way that develops a real relationship based in acceptance, honesty and trust.

We'd have the opportunity to accept others for who they are and the unique perspective they add to the world, eliminating judgemental thoughts and actions.

How amazing is it that we have the opportunity to see the differences that make people such diverse and intriguing beings? We're all different, and the acknowledgment that it's ok to be different is what drives diversity, both in thought and personality.

When I'm engaged in a conversation with someone I give my undivided attention to the person before me. I turn away from my computer, turn my phone over so I can't see the screen, and face them. This allows me to focus on them, and the conversation flows easier as a result. It doesn't take much to let someone know they've been heard. I don't mean that you simply acknowledge the words they've spoken, I mean that you make them to feel as if they are the most important person. Indeed, for those few moments, if your focus was correct, they were.

When any or all of these things are done, relationships deepen and grow stronger, and it makes them more personal. In today's business environment, if you can't effectively engage on a personal level, you'll have difficulty sustaining critical professional relationships long term. In personal relationships, if you allow yourself to simply be who you are and allow others to be who they are in all aspects of interactions, you develop genuine deep and lasting friendships.


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